More Episodes of SOAP!
by laylaorentea1985
Summary: [Soap] Here are more episodes of my favorite television showSoap!
1. Episode 3

Note from Layla: Remember, Bob is a wooden doll, a.k.a. dummy. Just remember that.

Episode 3:

Announcer: On the last episode of Soap, Jodie came out of his trance and realized that he is not Julius Kassendorf, but Jodie Dallas. Mary had an intervention with Burt and Geraldine and claimed that Geraldine turned Burt against her. Is that true? Now that Danny and Annie are going to place Chester in an asylum, will he get better?

Confused? You won't be after this episode of SOAP!

Asylum:

(Annie and Danny are with Chester)

Chester: There are crazy people here, Danny.

Danny: Dad, they are not crazy.

Schizophrenic: Morty, I tell you that Shelly is cheating on you.

Chester: Whom are you talking too?

Schizophrenic: Morty. Can't you see?

Chester: No.

Schizophrenic: Then you must be blind (leaves)

Chester: Danny, please, don't make me stay!

Danny: Dad, you need help. It's either this or jail.

Chester: Annie, please talk to him.

Annie: Chet, I agree with him.

(Dr. Malloy comes to them)

Malloy: Hi, you must be Chester Tate. I am Dr. Malloy.

Annie: Hi, I'm Annie.

Danny: And I'm Danny.

Chester: And I'm gone (Starts to leave, but Danny stops him)

Malloy: We don't bite here, Mr. Tate. Why don't you say goodbye to your son and-.

Chester: Slut.

Malloy: Slut?

Annie: That's what they call me.

Danny: I won't let them call you that anymore. She's my fiancé doc.

Malloy: Congrats.

Danny: Thanks.

Malloy: Now be a good lad and say goodbye, Chester.

Chester: Goodbye, Annie, Danny.

Danny: Goodbye dad. Everything is going to be fine, you'll see.

Chester: (whimpers) don't leave me here!

Annie: Goodbye Chester.

(Annie and Danny leave)

Eunice's Room:

(Eunice is sleeping with Alan)

Eunice: You were great.

Alan: I was? Is that what you tell your husband?

Eunice: No! You were good.

Alan: Now I went from great to good. Why?

Eunice: Alan, I just remembered that I was very fond of the guy with the stocking cap on.

Alan: Eunice!

Eunice: Oh Alan! I like sleeping with you, but I love Dutch. I don't know why, but I do.

(Corrine walks into the bedroom and sees Alex)

Corrine: Eunice! How could you do this to Dutch?

Eunice: Alan, look at the time. It is time for you to go.

(Alan climbs out of the window)

Corrine: Eunice, how could you?

Eunice: What?

Corrine: Dutch loves you so much. How could you do this to him?

Eunice: I don't know. Corrine, what are you talking about?

Corrine: You are cheating on Dutch…just like daddy cheating on mother. You are just like daddy in every way, Eunice.

Eunice: How so? 

Corrine: You cheat compulsively, you chew like he does, and you sound like him half the time.

Eunice: How do I sound like daddy?

Corrine: Your voice and tone of the lower brow.

Eunice: I do not sound like him and I diffidently do not eat like him.

Corrine: You do to! You take tiny morsels of foods and chew little bits and pieces like him.

Eunice: I do not!

Corrine: You nibble Eunice!

Eunice: Fine! I nibble! So what?

Corrine: You are unfaithful to Dutch!

Eunice: So I am unfaithful, gee wiz. At least I know what I want.

Corrine: At least I do not wake up with a spasm (exits)

Pool House:

(Danny and Annie are lying next to one another)

Danny: Annie, you were great.

Annie: Really?

Danny: Yes, you were.

Annie: Oh gee, thanks Danny.

Danny: Annie, I love you.

Annie: I know you do.

Danny: I can't wait to marry you, but where will we live?

Annie: I don't know.

Danny: We can't live with Burt and mom because there is Wendy, Jodie, Maggie some of the times, Chuck, Bob, and Scotty.

Annie: Maybe we could live here. I would have to ask your aunt though. Sometimes I think she does not like me very much.

Danny: Why?

Annie: I was married to Chester.

Danny: So? She was too.

Annie: Chester left her for me.

Danny: My mom told me that they filed for divorce way before you came into the picture. It only became official after you started dating him. Besides, nobody likes dad.

Annie: I did.

Danny: I liked him for giving me his kidney.

Annie: I'll talk to Jessica later.

Danny: About what?

Annie: About living here. I think she might let since you are her nephew.

Danny: I am, aren't I?

Annie: Oh Danny!

Billy's Room:

(Jessica enters Billy's room as Billy is packing his bags)

Jessica: I guess you are going away.

Billy: Don't worry Ma. It won't be too long. I just want to travel and see the country.

Jessica: You like to roam, just like your father. Only he liked to roam with company. I won't say anymore.

Billy: I know what you mean, ma.

Jessica: I can't believe that you graduated from high school, Billy. It seems like yesterday when you cried because you struck out at little league. Then you dated your teacher and rescued me from death and then you became a general.

Billy: I know.

Jessica: Oh Billy, you'll always be my baby, because you are the youngest.

Billy: I know ma. I got to see if the cab is here.

Jessica: No matter where you go Billy, you will always be my baby boy. (Hugs him and then kisses him) I love you so much, son.

Billy: I love you too ma (goes downstairs as Jessica looks at Billy helplessly)

Tate Living Room:

(Jessica is playing solitaire as Annie enters from the Pool House)

Annie: Hi Mrs. Tate.

Jessica: Hello Annie. Want to play cards with me? I was playing solitaire, but I hate it because you can't play it with anybody else like gin or hearts.

Annie: I'm pretty good at gin.

Jessica: Okay (deals the cards out) ready?

Annie: I guess. Mrs. Tate, I need to talk to you about something.

Jessica: Gin! What about?

Annie: About Danny and me. Gin!

Jessica: Is it because you two are in love?

Annie: Yes. Gin!

Jessica: I see.

Annie: Mrs. Tate, can Danny move into the pool house with me until we save up enough money for a place of our own? (Puts the cards down) gin!

Jessica: Sure! No problem!

Annie: Thanks.

Jessica: After all, Danny is family. He is my nephew you know and he is also my stepson. So is he really my stepson or nephew? What should I refer to him as? This is confusing.

Annie: I know (puts her cards down) Gin. I better go call him and let him know the good news.

Jessica: Annie, you are good, at gin that is.

Annie: Thanks, Mrs. Tate (goes into the kitchen)

Campbell House:

(Chuck and Bob enter the house with the mail)

Chuck: Look Bob, we got a postcard from mom.

Bob: I have not seen Luann in years! I wonder if she still has those legs of a goddess…

Chuck: Bob!

Bob: (reads the postcard) It says that she is coming here! Chuck your hot mom is coming here!

Chuck: Mom is not really going to come here. She says that every year at Christmas time and she never shows.

Bob: I bet she will if I call. She always said that I was a doll. What's her number?

Chuck: 123-4590.

(Bob calls Chuck's mom in Hawaii)

Bob: (on the phone) Hi Luann (chuckles) Oh, you want to talk to Chuck (Chuck gets on the phone)

Chuck: Hi mom. I got your postcard. Are you really going to come over?…great! I can't wait…what?…Peter?…He died about four years ago, mom…didn't dad sent you a letter about that?…He was murdered by Chester mom…Mary, dad's wife's brother-in-law…we buried him…mom, are you still on the aspirin?…what back problem?…So are you coming over?…Great!…I love you too…bye (hangs up)

Bob: So is Luann coming over?

Chuck: She says so.

(Burt comes into the living room)

Burt: Hey fellas. I fixed the toilet upstairs. Imagine, the Sheriff of Dunn's River still unclogging toilets (chuckles).

Chuck: Dad, I have some great news for you. Mom is coming in from Hawaii to visit us.

Burt: Chuck, you know that she says that, but never does fly in. We'd be at the airport waiting in the terminal for two days and still, no Luann.

Chuck: Dad, we called her and she said that she is going to come in.

Burt: Which one of you two talked to her?

Chuck: I did.

Burt: Chances are that she might come in.

Bob: Once she sees me, she won't be able to take her eyes off me (giggles)

Burt: Pervert!

Chuck: Dad, are you okay with this?

Burt: Fine! Great! My ex-wife is coming over and my current wife is in rehab. What could be better?

Bob: I liked her better than I do Mary.

Burt: One more word from him and he is sawdust. I have to go clean the garage (leaves the house)

Bob: What's his problem?

Chuck: Bob, dad has had it rough with Mary being in rehab and having to take care of Scotty.

Bob: And?

Chester's group therapy:

(Chester is sitting with a group of people talking about his problems)

Chester: I can't help but still love Jessica.

Dr. Malloy: I see. Chester, doesn't it occur to you that Jessica still does not love you? You cheated on her.

Chester: It's an illness.

Dr. Malloy: Bull! Now remember that you are on your own now. Jessica has her own life to live and so do you. Annie has her own life to live and so do you. Just try to accept that Chester.

Mary and Beth's Dorm room:

(Mary is in bed tossing and turning. She screams in her sleep and Beth wakes her up)

Beth: Mary! Mary! Mary! Wake up!

(Mary wakes up panting for air)

Beth: It's okay Mary. It's okay.

Mary: Thanks Beth. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

Beth: Yes you did. Are you all right?

Mary: Yes.

Beth: Mary, I've been watching you.

Mary: You have?

Beth: I can't help but notice that you are unhappy here.

Mary: I am. I have a life out there. I have a baby, a granddaughter, and a husband out there. I can't be with my husband here as much as I can be out there.

Beth: I understand. I can't be with my boyfriend as much as I want to. He is in prison. He got me hooked on the stuff that landed me here.

Mary: I know. I remember from the group therapy sessions.

Beth: I remember your husband's intervention.

Mary: Geraldine set me up.

Beth: Geraldine's a witch.

Mary: Tell me about it.

Beth: I have some advice for you. Roll with it. That's what I did my first time here.

Mary: First time?

Beth: I was here once about a few years ago because I bought dope from an undercover police officer and now here I am again because I needed help. I am doing this for the kids.

Mary: Kids?

Beth: My daughters Betty and Clara. I never get to see them because Tommy's mother's a witch and thinks that I am the bad influence.

Mary: I'm sorry.

Beth: No problem. What are you sorry about?

Mary: Your problem with dope.

Beth: I had that problem for a while. It's not your fault.

Mary: I feel bad for you. I get to see my kids and husband and here I am complaining about being in here and only getting to see them for about an hour twice a week and you never get to see your family. I am so sorry for being selfish.

Beth: It's okay Mary. You want to be with your baby through this time, but you can't. You want to raise him, but you won't get to really raise him.

Mary: That is not true! I will get to raise him no matter what!

Beth: I hope so. I just hope for your safety that once you get out, you will realize that there is no turning back. Why do you think I am back here?

Mary: What do you mean?

Beth: Once you see that hooch on the shelf, there is no turning back.

Rehab:

(Burt and Mary are sitting on the couch talking as Mary plays with Scotty)

Burt: Mare, only one more day.

Mary: I know. I can't wait to come home to be with you and Scotty and the boys.

Burt: Mare, there has been some changes.

Mary: Like what?

Burt: Jodie is no longer an old Jewish man and Danny is going to move in with Annie.

Mary: That's wonderful! Danny is moving in with Annie?

(Burt nods)

Mary: I hope this one works for him. He has the worst luck with women.

Burt: I know. Elaine was the mobster boss's daughter and she got killed, Polly was black, Gwen was a hooker on the run, and now Annie.

Mary: I guess I should just sit back and watch what happens.

(Scotty cries)

Mary: Oh Scotty (rocks him back and forth)

Burt: He's starting to talk now.

Mary: What was his first word?

Burt: Ga.

Mary: Oh. I missed it!

(Chuck and Bob enter)

Chuck: Hey Mary.

Bob: Hey Bloody Mary (to Scotty) Hi baby Scotty.

Scotty: Ga!

Bob: Awe!

(Geraldine enters)

Geraldine: Visiting hours are over.

Mary: I guess you all better get going.

Burt: Mare, we'll see you tomorrow.

Mary: Goodbye Burt, bye-bye Scotty, see ya Chuck, Bob.

Bob: Bye, Bloody Mary.

Chuck: Bye Mary.

Burt: See ya, toots.

(The Campbell's exit leaving Mary alone. Beth goes over to Mary and sits next to her)

Beth: One more day for you, Mare.

Mary: Yes.

Beth: You think you can handle it?

Mary: What do you mean?

Beth: When you see that booze on the shelf, there is no turning back.

Announcer: Now that Mary is getting out, will she stay sober or pick up her old habits again? Now that Danny is moving into the pool house with Annie, will he be living with his fiancé and Aunt or is it his stepmother and aunt or his two stepmothers? Now that Scotty had said his first word, what will his second word be?

These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of SOAP!


	2. Episode 4

Announcer: On the last episode of Soap, Chester was committed to an asylum because Danny and Annie claim that he is an unhappy and emotionally unbalanced man. Mary is about to leave rehab, but is unsure about her future. Danny moved in with Annie since they both are engaged.

Confused? You won't be after this episode of SOAP!

Campbell House:

(Burt is in the kitchen with Danny and Jodie gathering all of the booze)

Burt: Okay Jodie, take this and throw it away.

Jodie: Okay (pours the Jack Daniels down the drain and throws the bottle away)

Burt: Good.

Danny: Burt, should we throw the Nyquill away?

Burt: No, why?

Danny: Because it is five percent alcohol.

Burt: Don't worry it takes fifty-percent alcohol to get a person drunk.

Danny: Really?

Burt: Yes.

Danny: Wow! You learn something new everyday! So should we throw the rubbing alcoholic out?

Burt: Why?

Danny: Because that is 100 alcohol.

Burt: No, because if you drink that kind of alcohol you will die.

Danny: Oh.

Jodie: Hey Burt, did we get the scotch?

Burt: No! We better get that out of here!

(Chuck and Bob enter with a waste can full of bottles)

Burt: Where did you get those?

Bob: From your room and Scotty's nursery.

Burt: She must have really been trying to escape reality.

(Burt and Jodie leave the kitchen. Mary enters from the back door)

Mary: Hi Danny.

Danny: Hey mom (hugs her) I missed you.

Mary: I missed you too. How's Annie?

Danny: You're not mad?

Mary: No, why would I be?

Danny: Because she was married to Chester.

Mary: She's more your age than his age, so why should I be mad? Besides, anything anybody else in this family does anymore does not surprise me anymore.

Danny: She was my stepmother.

Mary: I know, but she and Chester are divorced.

Danny: That's right.

Mary: Danny, you always have your doubts about every relationship you ever had with a woman. You were worried when you were dating Polly because she was black, you were worried about dating Gwen because she was a hooker, and now you are worried about Annie because she was your stepmother. Each one of them failed because you were focused on one thing. That thing should not determine whether or not she is suitable for you.

Danny: You're right. Thanks ma.

Mary: Don't mention it (kisses Danny)

(Burt and Jodie enter)

Burt: hey look! Mom's home!

Jodie: Hey ma!

Mary: Oh! Jodie! (Kisses him) You're better!

Jodie: I could not get through without Maggie.

Mary: Maggie is a great woman.

Jodie: Yeah, she is.

Burt: Mare! Let's take your stuff upstairs.

Mary: Okay, then I have to see how my baby is doing.

(Mary and Burt leave the kitchen)

(Jodie sits down at the table and Danny sits next to him)

Danny: you seem upset about something.

Jodie: I am. I'm confused Danny. Aren't I gay?

Danny: I guess so. Maybe you swing both ways.

Jodie: I love Maggie, but I love men. I like men and their masculinity.

Danny: I don't know what to tell you.

Jodie: I would like to talk to mom about this, but right now she has a lot on her mind.

Danny: Yeah, but she will be back to her normal self soon.

Tate House:

(Danny is in the pool house unpacking and Jessica enters)

Jessica: Well Danny, how do you like living in the pool house so far?

Danny: Very nice. I actually get some peace and quiet from all of the chaos at home.

Jessica: Things are not going so well at home, right?

Danny: Yeah.

Jessica: With your mother going into rehab and coming out and Burt basically alienating the whole family. I guess things could get rough.

Danny: I guess so.

Jessica: Danny, if you need somebody to talk to, you can always count on me.

Danny: Thanks Aunt Jessie.

Jessica: Anytime. I want to invite you and Annie to dinner tonight since Benson is coming over.

Danny: We would like that. I'll let Annie know.

(Jessica exits and Danny plops onto the bed and the phone rings. Danny answers it)

Danny: Hello?

Mary: Danny, it's mom.

Danny: Hey mom, how are you?

Mary: I'm fine. Are you settled in?

Danny: Yes. I have been settled in for quite some time now.

Mary: How is your aunt doing? How are Corrine, Eunice, and Dutch?

Danny: Fine. How's everybody doing?

Mary: Fine. Fine. Danny, come home! You and Annie can move into grandma's room.

Danny: Ma, I am home. I am living in my own place with Annie.

Mary: You are living in a pool house, Danny.

Danny: So? It's still a house.

Mary: I know. I guess I just miss you.

Danny: I miss you too Ma.

(Wendy Cries)

Mary: That's Wendy. Jodie is at work and Maggie is at work, so I am taking care of her. Burt just told me that his ex-wife Luann is coming over, so I have to get the place cleaned up.

Danny: Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you.

Mary: I love you too.

Danny: Bye.

Mary: Bye, Danny (hangs up)

Dining Room:

(Corrine, Timmy, Eunice, Dutch, and Jessica are sitting at the table)

Eunice: I can't believe that tramp. She slept with daddy and now she is sleeping with Danny.

Dutch: At least Danny is her age.

Eunice: Shut up Dutch!

Dutch: Just because our sex life is in the toilet does not mean that you have to be so cranky.

Corrine: I think Annie's nice, Eunice.

Eunice: You think so, just because you weren't here when she was sleeping with daddy.

Corrine: Just because she may sleep around does not mean that she is not nice.

Eunice: Are you speaking from experience Corrine?

Corrine: But then there is something to be said for those who cheat on her husband.

Eunice: Touché

Dutch: Am I missing something?

Eunice: No darling.

(Corrine gives Eunice a dirty look)

Jessica: No arguing at the table please.

(Danny and Annie enter)

Danny: Sorry we are late, Aunt Jessie.

Jessica: Quite all right, Danny.

Annie: Hi Mrs. Tate.

Jessica: Annie, you can me Jessica. After all, you were married to my ex-husband and now you are engaged to my nephew, or is he my stepson? Anyways, Danny has been family for about twenty-seven years.

Annie: Okay, Jessica.

(Saunders enters the room with dinner)

Saunders: What do we have here?

Jessica: You know Danny. He's living with Annie in the pool house now.

Saunders: First Billy leaves and then you gain this oaf.

Danny: What loaf?

Saunders: I said oaf not loaf, you nit.

Danny: No, my name is Danny, not Nick.

(Benson enters the room)

Benson: Sorry I am late, Missus Tate.

Jessica: Benson! (Gets up and hugs him)

Benson: I'm glad to see that you are all right, Missus Tate. Sorry I could not stay at the hospital too long. I had to go back to Gaitling's mansion. He said that I could only stay away for a few hours. He sends his regards.

Jessica: How is Gene?

Benson: Gene is fine.

Jessica: Oh Benson, please sit down. Saunders set another place at the table.

Saunders: Yes madam (goes into the kitchen)

Benson: Chester is gone, eh?

Jessica: Yes. He and I got a divorced, then he married Annie (Annie waves at him) and now Annie is divorced from him and she is going to marry Danny.

Benson: Two divorces in one year, my oh my.

Jessica: There is so much that happened here when you were gone.

Benson: Nothing never changes, don't it?

(Jessica nods)

Jessica: It is so good to see you again.

Corrine: Benson, remember this little guy?

Benson: That can't be Timmy.

Timmy: Hi.

Benson: He's cute.

Corrine: Thanks.

Benson: Where's Tim?

Corrine: We are divorced.

Benson: That does not surprise me.

Corrine: Everybody saw it coming.

Benson: I know.

Jessica: Could we talk about something else?

Benson: Sure. I got fired.

Jessica: Why?

Benson: Governor don't like me. I seem to know too much.

Saunders: Fired? I guess that means you need another job.

Benson: I guess so.

Saunders: Well you can have this job because I do not need the stress and aggravation from these animals anymore.

Benson: Are you sure?

Jessica: Saunders, you don't like us?

Saunders: Like is a very weak word Mrs. Tate (goes into the kitchen)

Jessica: Welcome back, Benson! (Hugs him) I missed you!

Eunice: Mother! Hugging the help?

Jessica: Now Eunice.

(Eunice sits back and pouts)

Campbell Master room:

Mary is tossing and turning in her sleep and Burt wakes up

Burt: Mary!

Mary is still tossing and turning in her sleep

Burt: Mare!

Mary is tossing and turning in her sleep

Burt: Drinks are on the house!

Mary wakes up

Burt: Mare, are you okay?

Mary: Fine.

Burt: You were tossing and turning in you sleep. That must have been some dream.

Mary: Burt, I don't know if I can make it without a drink. I know that I promised that I would, but I don't know if I can. What if Beth was right and once I see the hooch on the shelf staring right back at me, there is no going back?

Burt: Mare, you are different. You were a strong woman who does not need emotional support from a bottle. I will help you lick this thing once and for all. You know what, while you were away, I read about this method called substituting food with sex. Maybe if we could substitute drinking with sex, it will work as well.

Mary: Oh Burt! What if you are at work and I am at home and I am feeling a little lonely?

Burt: Call me up and we will work something out.

Mary: Okay. Burt, I have a craving for a martini.

Burt: How many?

Mary: A very tall dry martini.

Burt: Okay starts making love to Mary

Announcer: Will Mary and Burt lick her drinking problem with sex or will she remain a hopeless alcoholic? Will Billy come back home to visit or will he stay away? Is Benson back to stay? Are Danny and Annie going to find happiness together or will Chester's insanity ruin it? Will Dutch ever find out about Eunice and her lovers? These questions and many others will be answered in the next few seconds of SOAP.


	3. Episode 5

Announcer: In the last episode of Soap, Mary came home from rehab, but was still uncertain about her future. Since Burt noticed that she was afraid that she was not going to be able to overcome her problem alone, he decided to help her by having sex when she had cravings for booze. Danny move in with Annie, which helped him over his depression and a depressed Jodie is uncertain about his future with Maggie. Meanwhile, Benson came back to the Tate household and Saunders quit!

Depressed? You won't be after this episode of SOAP!

Governor Luncheon:

(Burt is talking to the governor and his assistant)

Governor: Bat, we haven't seen you in awhile. We thought that you were dead.

Gene: I swear that his parents were related.

Burt: Funny you should mention that Governor. I was almost killed in a drug bust.

Gene: For God sakes Bat, are you all right?

Burt: Yeah, just a knick in the leg, that's all. It's better now.

Gene: Thank God for that. So Bat, what'll it be?

Governor: Yeah, what'll it be?

Burt: What are you talking about?

Gene: Running for the Senate.

Burt: Oh that! I decided I won't run for the senate.

Gene: Why the blazes not?

Burt: I love my wife and kids too much to give them up.

Gene: Isn't that sweet?

Burt: And I almost got killed in the process, that's why. You need to find somebody else.

Gene: Bat, you are the best there is.

Burt: For starters, don't call me Bat. My name is Burt, not Bat. I am gone now (leaves)

Gene: Now there goes a man.

Governor: Yeah.

Gene: A very stupid man.

Pool House:

(Annie and Danny are looking at pictures of previous weddings)

Danny: Here is mine and Elaine's wedding day.

Annie: She was pretty.

Danny: Back then I didn't think so because I was arranged to marry her.

Annie: You have a kid you never told me about? Is Scotty really your son?

Danny: No. I was in a gang and I wanted out. Her father was a mobster so I had to marry her to not lose my neck.

Annie: Oh. Here is one of Chester and me.

Danny: You looked like you had penicillin.

Annie: To tell you the truth, I had to take aspirin every time we got together.

Danny: That bad, huh?

Annie: The worst. I only stayed with him because he was good at times.

Danny: Am I better than Chester?

Annie: Yes, I promise.

Danny: Good. Chapel O' Love was where you got married?

Annie: Yes.

Danny: Well, how about we get married here or in a church?

Annie: Oh Danny! Yes! Let's get married in the church where my mother and father got married.

Danny: What church?

Annie: Oh! It's in Russia! I almost forgot!

Danny: Russia?

Annie: Yes. In a Temple.

Danny: My first wife was Jewish. I wouldn't mind.

Annie: Oh Danny, it will be so expensive! How are we supposed to save up for a place of our own?

Danny: We'll figure something out, Anne.

Annie: Let's get married in the church where your parents got married.

Danny: My parents were never married.

Annie: You mean your mom and the man you thought was your father were never married?

Danny: Oh! I thought you meant mom and Chester! They were married here! No.

Annie: How about Mary and Burt?

Danny: Mary and Burt were married in the Episcopalian church.

Annie: Which one?

Danny: I think it was West Street Episcopalian.

Annie: Let's get married there. I am not that religious.

Danny: Are you sure?

Annie: Yes and after we are married, I'll get a job in accounting and you can still be a deputy and we'll have a house and a family.

Danny: Oh Annie, I can't wait! (Hugs her)

(Jessica enters)

Jessica: Oh! Sorry to interrupt, but I need to ask you something Danny.

Danny: What is it?

Jessica: Chester's doctor called me and told me that even though I am his first ex-wife that I need to visit him to make him feel like he will get better, but I don't want to be a part of this. Danny, he is your father, so would you help him?

Danny: Aunt Jessie, I'm getting married soon.

Jessica: I know, but he is your father and I want nothing to do with it. You were the one who committed him. You see, your father has this mindset, which makes him think that I am still in love with him.

Danny: Couldn't Eunice or Corrine do it?

Jessica: I guess so. Let me go ask them (leaves the pool house)

Danny: I did not think that Chester was not going to be there.

Annie: I don't want my ex at the wedding.

Danny: I know, but he is my father.

Annie: Danny, maybe we should put this on hold, until everybody gets back to normal. I'll go ahead and get a job in accounting and then we can house hunt after we have a set income.

Danny: Yes. I can live with that.

Sheriff's Office:

(Burt is on the phone and Mary walks in)

Burt: No, no Mrs. Peterson. Just because your husband called your sister fat does not mean that I can arrest him. Have him apologize to her, okay? Maybe make him sleep on the couch tonight. Bye. (Hangs up and sees Mary) Hey Mary. Where's the baby?

Mary: With Jessica. Wendy's with her too.

Burt: What brings you here?

Mary: I was thinking about a nice tall Long Island.

Burt: Mare, I'm at work.

Mary: You said that we could work something out! I am lonely and I need to take my mind off it!

Burt: Mare, I'm at work.

Mary: You promised! I don't want to drink! I want to kick the habit!

Burt: Mare, I want you to, too, but not now.

Mary: I guess I'll go to McCauley's and have that Long Island (she starts to leave, but Burt stops her)

Burt: Mare! I know a spacious broom closet (leaves the office with Mary)

(Danny goes into the office opposite from where Burt and Mary exit)

Danny: Burt? Burt! I guess he's off duty (sits at his desk) well it's my shift tonight.

(Perkins enters the office)

Perkins: Hiya, Danny.

Danny: Hey Perkins. Have you seen Burt?

Perkins: I saw him and your mom go down the hallway. I think they went into a broom closet.

Danny: Broom closet?

Perkins: Yeah. I'm curious. Pretty kinky if you ask me.

Danny: I think I don't want to know.

Perkins: Boy! I must say now I know why Burt has looked exhausted lately.

Danny: You mean?

(Perkins nods with a goofy grin)

Perkins: I wish Mrs. Perkins could be like that! Every night when I get home, it's "no! I have a headache!"

Danny: I don't even want to think about it. Yuck!

(Burt and Mary enter the office from the broom closet)

Burt: All better now, Mare?

(Mary nods)

Burt: Good. (Sees Danny) Hey Dan. What's up?

Danny: Not much.

Burt: How's-How's Annie?

Danny: Pretty good. We are planning on getting married in the church you and Burt were married in.

Mary: That's wonderful!

Danny: Why are you here ma?

Mary: Um…Burt why am I here?

Burt: We're going out for dinner. Mare surprised me and we are going out to get something eat. How's Subway, Dan? Subway good for you Mary?

Mary: Sure. I forgot.

Burt: Let's go then. Come on.

(Danny, Burt, and Mary exit)

Tate House:

(Benson is dusting the furniture and Jessica enters the room and sits in the chair and reads a book. Corrine enters with Timmy, who runs up to Jessica)

Timmy: Grandma!

Jessica: Hey kiddo!

Corrine: We are going to the park do you want to come?

Jessica: Oh Corrine! It's so cold out there. Timmy could catch a cold.

Corrine: Meanwhile, I could catch cabin fever.

Jessica: Cabin fever. Is that similar to dance fever?

Corrine: Ma.

Jessica: Okay, but please bundle him up well.

Corrine: He will.

Jessica: Okay. I'll stay here where it is warm and where Benson is.

Benson: Ha!

Jessica: What does that mean?

Benson: That was a funny joke, Missus Tate.

Jessica: Thank you.

(Benson goes upstairs)

Jessica: Corrine, I have Wendy and Scotty with me since Mary is…you know. Would you like to take them with you and Timmy?

Corrine: ma, I cannot manage three kids alone. I can take them all if you come along with me.

Jessica: Okay (gets her coat) let's go.

Park:

(Jessica and Corrine are walking around the park with the kids. They run into Jodie, who is wasted on a bench)

Corrine: Jodie!

Jodie: Corrine? Is that you? (Laughs)

Corrine: You're stinking drunk!

Jessica: Your mother is not going to like this.

Jodie: She was drunk half the time (laughs)

Jessica: Jodie, you're coming home with us.

Timmy: With us.

Corrine: Oh, the kids.

Jessica: I'll keep the kids and you take Jodie home.

Corrine: Okay (puts Jodie's arm around her neck and then makes him walk to her car) come on, bub. You are coming with me.

Jodie: Where're we going?

Billy's Room:

(Corrine tries to lay Jodie on Billy's bed)

Jodie: Oops! (Falls off the bed) Corrine, somebody has stolen the bed!

Corrine: Jodie! (Pulls him onto the bed) What is the problem?

Jodie: Maggie.

Corrine: Maggie?

Jodie: I don't know if I love her love her. I know that I love her like her.

Corrine: Jodie, what's wrong?

Jodie: I'm gay and Maggie's a woman. I think that I cannot make her live through this.

Corrine: What do you mean Jodie?

Jodie: I love her, but I don't know if I want to marry her. I want to break it off, Corrine, but I don't want to hurt her.

(Corrine looks at Jodie helplessly)

Broom Closet:

(Mary and Burt are standing upright and partially naked. They are passionately kissing)

Mary: Oh Burt! This was the best.

Burt: I hope so, Mare. Now I have to get dressed and get out of the closet.

Mary: right. I'll get my pants on and you get your shirt on and then you get your shoes on and then I'll get my blouse on.

Burt: Right.

(Mary and Burt get stuck)

Burt: Mare! I can't feel my left arm!

Mary: Sorry! I'll move my head and then you move your arm.

(Mary and Burt get stuck)

Mary: Burt!

Burt: Okay! (Lifts his leg over Mary and has a leg on each side of her) Well this is awkward.

Mary: Burt!

(Burt moves his other leg to the other side of Mary)

Mary: Good (raises her head up) okay, now I will stand up (stands up)

Burt: Perfect.

(Mary and Burt get out of the closet)

Burt: The next time we make love, we have got to find a bigger room.

Eunice and Dutch's room:

(Eunice is brushing her hair and Dutch sneaks up behind her)

Eunice: Dutch!

Dutch: Who is he?

Eunice: I don't know what you're talking about.

Dutch: Who is the mouseketeer Eunice?

Eunice: What do you mean?

Dutch: Last night, I found some mouse ears and a mouse-tail under a pillow this morning.

Eunice: Mouse-tail? I got that for you to try on tonight.

Dutch: It's too small.

Eunice: Dutch, I do not know what you mean.

Dutch: I mean that I am tired of trying to figure you out Eunice.

Eunice: What are you saying?

Dutch: I know what you are doing. I wasn't born yesterday.

Eunice: What then?

Dutch: You are cheating on me again.

Eunice: I am not cheating on you.

Dutch: Yes you are.

Eunice: Darling, what are you talking about?

Dutch: You, sleeping around.

Eunice: I love you.

Dutch: You think you do (leaves Eunice)

(Eunice sits on her bed)

Scotty's Room:

(Mary walks into Scotty's room where he is playing with his toys with Wendy. Mary puts his things in his drawers and then looks at him. Chuck and Bob enter the room and sit next to the kids)

Chuck: Bob, it should not surprise you that mom did not come.

Bob: But she likes me more than she likes you!

Chuck: Mom never keeps her promise. It's just like her to find a man and get married on the spur of the moment (sits down with the kids)

Bobby: Hey Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! Hey Scotty! Scotty! Scotty!

Scotty: Ga!

(Wendy giggles)

Mary: I sometimes wonder if they talk to each other (kneels down next to them)

Chuck: I think they do.

Mary: I read somewhere that babies have their own language.

Chuck: I read that article too.

Mary: I wonder if that theory really does exist or if it is just scientist making up some mumbo-jumbo.

Chuck: I don't know. I think he's saying: "That's mine" and she's saying "No that's mine!"

(Mary and Chuck laugh)

Bob: That was lame.

Mary: Thanks Chuck, I needed that.

Chuck: No problem Mary.

(Burt enters the room)

Mary: Burt, look. The babies are playing together.

Burt: Oh, isn't that sweet?

Mary: I know.

(Window breaks)

Burt: What was that?

Mary: (Hysterical) I don't know!

Burt: Mary! Get the kids and go downstairs! Chuck! Bob! Come with me!

Announcer: Now that Dutch has confronted Eunice about her cheating on him, will they get a divorce or will they try to work things out? Now that Burt has declined the offer to run for senate, will he and Mary's marriage improve? Now that Burt's ex-wife Luann is not coming, will Bob get over her? Who threw that brick into the Campbell's home and why?

These questions and many others will be answered on the net episode of SOAP!


End file.
